1st Date Deal Breakers

Dating site WhatsYourPrice.com surveyed its members about the biggest first date dealbreakers and coming in at number 1 for both men and women was when the cell phone is turned on, they are turned off.  No surprise here but the others may.

For Women (based on responses from 63,460 members)

1.     Cellphone use – 30%
2.     Inappropriate touching – 28%
3.     Rudeness to wait staff – 14%
4.     Negativity – 11%
5.     Excessive drinking – 6%

For Men (based on responses from 45,349 members)

1.     Cell phone use – 25%
2.     Rudeness to wait staff – 21%
3.     Unengaged in conversation – 16%
4.     Negativity – 14%
5.     Excessive drinking – 11%

My first thought is that it is a well-known fact that people lie or bend the truth on dating sites, so I question whether the validity of some of the answers and am surprised that being in a relationship or married did not make the top five. Secondly, on some level it is comforting to see that men and women, according to this list anyway, are more alike than we are different.

That said, it is interesting to note that inappropriate touching was rated as #2 amongst women. I am curious if this indicates a desperate need for intimacy given our relationship with technology these days. The message is loud and clear. If you want to appropriately touch her one day, get a hold of yourselves, guys!

Ranking in the top 3 for men and women is rudeness to wait staff. This tells a lot about a person. It demonstrates how they feel about people who are in a subservient role by very nature of their career, that these people are just not as good as everyone else. That said, if a person treats others poorly, it may reflect their own insecurity and be a sneak peek of their values. They may not be as empathic as one could be.  We need to have a zero tolerance for treating others poorly.  If this happens on the first date, I would suggest you run long and fast.  This is a precursor as to how they may treat you in your relationship.  Again, run!!

As for negativity, who wants to be with a “Debby or Danny Downer?” Humans are about relationships and we are naturally attracted to sunny dispositions. Life is hard enough without a negative spin!

Excessive drinking makes the list for both men and women and I for one am happy to see this. Alcohol spells trouble for many people and it is often the cause for troubles in a relationship. Adult children of alcoholics face their own demons.  If someone is drinking heavily on the first date, pay attention, ask for the bill and give it to them.

It is easy for us to be in denial about many of these first date deal breakers especially, if as women our biological clocks are ticking or if men have pressure from families to marry. However, pay attention to these deal breakers you want the one to spend the rest of your life with and let’s be honest these could very well be signs of your future life if you stick around.