A Reason to Stray

A patient by the name of Cathy came to see me one day because she wanted to talk about her sexless marriage.  Cathy was a forty-five year old professional, mother of three who has been married for twenty years to a man twenty-three years her senior. Due to her husband’s erectile dysfunction they had not had sex in about four years. 

Her husband refused to speak to his doctor about his erection issues because the doctor was a member of their community and he felt ashamed to discuss the subject with him.  I explained to Cathy that erectile dysfunction is a common condition and that it may also be a sign of cardiovascular disease and it would be wise for him to have that checked out.  I advised Cathy that there are sexual health services in the form of a sex therapist and she seemed to think that he might be receptive to seeing one and having this explained.

Cathy had a very high sexual desire and having not had her sexual needs met for several years she sought out sex from another man. At first she said it was purely a “service” relationship, but more recently she developed feelings for this man.  It is  not uncommon for women to develop feelings in an intimate relationship due to the release of dopamine by women during sex which is a bonding hormone often referred to as  “the cuddle hormone.”

As it happens her lover was a friend of her husband’s and so he recently decided to cool things off as he was getting nervous their relationship would be found out and this may impact his business activity.

I asked Cathy, if her husband had his erectile dysfunction treated, would she be happy to end her affair with her husband’s colleague?  Interestingly, she said yes.  So I suggested she speak to her husband about making an appointment with me or another sex therapist and that she accompany him. For the sake of their relationship I hope they decide to seek help from a therapist to help guide them down the right path so they may be able to reignite the v-loving feeling in their relationship.

Sexual health issues are related to overall health and relationships and there is often something that belies the problem.  It is important that couples communicate about sex on this level.  If a person is in a relationship, it is their responsibility to ensure they are healthy both in and out of the bedroom. A healthy sex life is a barometer for good health. Speak to your doctor or sex therapist about any issues.  Therapy is a gift you give to yourself.

 For more information on sexual desire, please visit: www.enertopia.com/sexual-health